What a day??

I was elated and the whole throng,
Girls were clamourning a cheers song.
We frabjously watching the cricket match,
One after one enjoyed the defenders catch..
My team won the target,
Hollering high like never willing to forget.
People saw our lively craze,
Thought we would never win the first race..
Second was the round and fielding was ours,
But I went fret, lost my glasses, finding for hours.
Everything seemed unseen for me.
Everyone thinking of how will I play and see..
A girl lended her specs,
Took it n gave returns on cheeks with pecks.
Playing but thinking it was very expensive.
And my mother will slay me, there I went
pensive..
Exhausted and remained silent after lossing,
Sat down glumly with wet eyes in a way
displeasing.
Swagata yelled, ur opticals are here,
There I won the match when my buddies chase
after me for a cheer..

Maaji

Sukhwant Kaur Bhamrah

My mother addressed her ‘mata’ .
She spent most of her time in the garden.
Digging and planting the flowers and vegetables that she loved.
And she lived a hundred years leaving a mark of merrymaking behind.
I have learnt how my ‘Maaji’ was subjective.
She belonged from a wealthy background but never looked proud.
She owned a ‘Jyoti Cinema hall’ and it would remain houseful during her era.
Maaji loved ‘chaa’ and it is inherited, especially me.
During her old age she always had a heavy knife to peel off areca nut,and that would never pain her hand. She could crack a number of nuts at a time. I remember she twisted on a Bollywood song ‘Sheila ki jawani’.
I and my sister were the naughty siblings that we plugged in earphones to see what Maaji would do. She stealed the evening at the backyard.
Maaji was a joy. A rejoicing soul.
I learnt that age was just a number. She had so much of energy even at late 80’s.
My brother was little of a kid in these matters. But I,Gurdi and Babu were notorious.
We did a makeup tutorial, and she looked drop dead gorgeous. I had never seen so much of beauty before.
Maaji knew that she made us laugh so she would allow us to do everything.
But we thought that she is old, innocent and have withered.
Her hairs were turning grey,had a tendency of forgetting things but she knew what is concrete and real.
I wish you were there to see me as a bride, I know you would have back off everyone,nailed it with the moves and twists.
Maaji was hilarious. With the course of time, I loved her more because of the innocence.
There are several,several things that would not jade me to write.
Maaji was the loving Nani Maa, the best human.
Admist the catastrophic ambiance, Maaji you walked in to my heart very deep.
When she smiles, the lines in her face become epic narratives that trace the stories of generations that no book can replace.
I will always remember you,Sukho.
I love you. So much.

-Your loving grand daughter.
-Guggu

Ammi

Teri har gal menu aundi yaad Ammi,
Apney-aa nu chad main kese hor vich rangi.
Kash tu menu eh vi keha hunda ki yaar de naal duniya lagdi be-rangi,
Te menu teri har gal aaj yaad na aundi Ammi.
Kuj surat-aa pyaari hogayi wa menu,
Be-wakif banda vad khas hogaya hai jinu,
Kali baithi onu lagdi mai changi.
Kash tu menu eh vi keha hunda ki ishq vich aurat hundi mandi.
Te menu teri har gal aaj yaad na aundi Ammi.

Tum jante thai

Aur tum jante thai ki mai masoom hun,pyaar mai doob jaungi aur doobne ke baad fir kabhi tair ke sahil ke kinare nahi ja paungi. Jana bhi kahan hai? Shadi koi khel nahi, par shadi koi samjhota bhi nahi, shadi koi dikhawa bhi nahi. Aur jo tum kar rahe ho wo mujhe na hi tumse dur kar raha hai balki mere andar se pyaar bhi khatam kar raha hai. Par kya karun masoom hun na toh doobey rehne ka mann karta hai chahe pyaar ka piyaala jitna bhi garam ho ya thanda. Suna hai, ‘Shadi se pehle pyaar ek haseen khwaab lagta hai’ aur main bhi, der se hi sahi, par ramta jogi bann gayi, pakiza ishq mai. Bhot bhole thai tum, duniya se alaag, bhot apney thai tum, tumse milne ke baad maine jana ki mujhe tumhari nahi, tumhare bas pyaar aur nawazehein ki talaash thi. Tum sabar ka wo ek loata tarif thai ki tumne mujh mai bhi sabar bhar diya. Tum uns ka wo mala thai jise mai shaam-e-subah apni zubaan pe ek namaz ki tarah rooz padhti thi. Mera koi maqsad nahi tha mahobhat ki azaan mai qaid hona. Jo bhi kiya wo tumne kiya. Tumhare ye jahan se alaag hone par ye duniya bhot rangeen lagne lagi ki har mard ek jaisa nahi hota. Ab toh mai bhot aage bardh chuki hun. Aur tum muje kahin nazar nahi aate. Pehle toh neend mai bhi baatein hazar hoti thi aur ab akele baithe bhi baat nahi hoti. Kya tumhara mann bhar gaya ya mai purani hogyi? Kya tumhe shikayatein hai ya mera likhna tumhe pasand nahi?
Takleef toh bhot hoti hai ki ab toh mere ansun aur shabdh bhi bayan nahi kar pa rahe jo mujh pe guzar rahi hai wo kaise bahar nikaley?
Dang toh reh gayi main. Abhi bhi hairat ki hayat mai hi jee rahi hun.
Itna hi alaag, dur aur anjaan bann kar rehna hai,toh tumhe wo azaadi bhi hai, mujhse dur jane ki, bas dobara agar kahin bhatak jao toh mere kareeb mat ana. Dobara agar akele ho jao toh mujhe pyaar mat karna. Ye tutta hua dil hai jaan, jaan hoti toh yun jaan na lete.

Tumhari heer

Tumhara ye sochna ki mujhe pyaar hogya hai, ye kaisa jayaz insaaf de rahi hai kismat? Par main toh wohi dhir hun jo pehle thi, na hi mujhe pyaar hua hai aur na hi tumhe bhula payi hun. Main toh wohi hun, wahin hi khari hun, tumhari pehli ‘Heer Randhir’

No more yours!

Do you have any idea about my change for not the good? Do you have any realization of me being cold?
I dont write anymore often. I dont talk to people nor do they call me whenever they need me. She called me twice and every time my reply was ‘I will call you later dear, I am busy’, which is my genuine reason. But I never call them back and so they don’t call me again with a thought that I would be busy in life and the process continues. This goes on thus making me fall maybe in depression.
My ankles don’t let me allow to withstand the kitchen breakfast, lunch and dinner, some times high tea in between. But I do. I am learning to say ‘No’ but it’s very difficult. I always welcome anything and everything and in the end I don’t even talk to you because my shoulders become heavy at night or maybe I don’t feel like talking to you anymore of it.
Even if we talk, we get into a quarrel.
You have nothing to say, I have nothing to say. I don’t find any pleasure to talk the way we did two years ago because that was a lie. The whole love story has been a lie and that you kept fooling me with love. I dont listen to songs that says love is pure. Because things fade. Once a person is near and attached ,you leave a person just normal because you know love has struck and traped the soul. So you become aware that now its time to be real after showing thousands of dreams. And that’s what you did to me and you are doing. But I am very sorry, disappointed and moved by your ignorance and negligence. Nobody should remind me that ‘I am a woman’. But every time your gestures make me uncomfortable. Is not it strange to hear that ‘I am afraid of my husband’. It is a truth that you will never know.
Three months I have been crying and crying. And you fail to notice. But you noticed and let it go because sex is an absolute heaven at night. After marriage, night is about tears or orgasm. That’s the end of everything. And I have experienced both of it which I need neither of it. I need you. Like before. Solace. Charming. Patient. Lovable.
Everything is lost. I dont find you, I have lost connection with you, I am done being humble to you. I am so done.
Work hard till success says stop. I know you won’t get tired of heights because that’s what makes you real . And that’s what you are meant for. I think, work suits you better.
Don’t you worry baby,
Your darling is deeply hurt,
She has cuts on her arm and fingers only if you had seen them or noticed, I have no other choice but to escape through this harsh reality which you made me believe like a fairy tale
It’s late for everything now.
I am cold.
And the distance doesn’t hurt my heart.
This is what you and the world is expecting me to be like. Like a real ‘woman’.

Acceptance

I miss everything about us. The love that once we shared, the smiles and the never ending tales that offered a silent story and those deep eyes never ever jaded to speak the dark secrets. We never had complains, we never created a chance to bicker on anything. We made the two years look like a real love story that one would never believe it.
I don’t have any answer’s now because marriage has struck me to one point,to the verge of being unstable and innocent. I am very heavy, because I am not being accepted. I am not being embraced with my flaws, with my age, with my developing understanding that I have for relationships.
I was a kid when I thought that ‘a man and a woman can never have a fight but only if there is any outside interruption’. But I was a kid, I have learnt the fact now. Similarly I am not that woman to handle things,relationship and a home but I will one day definitely. There is always a time. You just created a love story , congratulations that you made it happen us fall in love with each other. I have loved you so much now that I got used to your loving nature towards me and now when I see you very strange, it’s difficult for me to hold back. It’s very difficult. That’s how I cry and now I have learnt the art to hide as well because that is an childish act for you so I hide. I am hiding, I am turning cold, vague and firm. I am pretending, and I have no idea how far would I survive. I think you dont want me to accept me. And that’s okay. It’s really okay. In the end I have to be a woman, a home. And that’s okay. We don’t have to pay any tax for Acceptance. It does not need any money ,it only needs an eye. An attention, an intention, an understanding.

– Randhir Kaur

(Excuse me for my plain excerpt , this is an unedited post from my drafts, this is how it looks without any filters and my thesaurus language. I had no mood today to edit the emotions )

#stillbreathing #happyheartdies #strong #kaur